I am a very sensory-based person who enjoys music of all kinds. One of the things I miss most about church is the singing and four-part harmonies die hard when you were raised in Evangelical Mennonite church culture. The bio-psycho-social benefits of group singing are well known and some days I just wish I could add my particular vocal reverberations alongside others and have a good soak. Those who get it, get it, amiright?
So what is one to do when church has not been a safe place for a long time? For many, the events of 2020 and the COVID-19 pandemic put an end to singing in social settings; for a short time for some and for much, much longer for others. Anyone who has left the church and still enjoys singing has had to find other ways to partake in the practice. Yes, there are community choirs – bless them! But it just isn’t as easy to fit into our lifestyle as defacto church attendance was, and we can’t all start our own bands or just pick up a guitar and sing solo around a campfire.
To fill this particular gap in my life, I readily enjoy turning up the stereo and singing in my home or in my car. My family will join in with me. I still have some piano skills and I don’t mind saying we gathering for a hymn sing from time to time (with my good ol’ Maranatha praise book or picking out tentative accompaniment from chord sheets). My kids love to sing and we are just entering a phase of life where we can work on matching harmonies with a bit more sureness.
When I was still involved in church, traditional or contemporary music was welcome in our denomination and I could tell many a service planner put their heart and soul into tailoring the song selections with the sermon each week. Sometimes though, a song or two would slip through that challenged the theological sensibilities of the congregation. Providing a thoughtful critique on modern-day worship music is not a new idea and many prominent Christian artists have put in the work of advocating on behalf of lyrics on sound theological footing, not just the pleasurable rhyme or message of toxic positivity.
I remember sitting uncomfortably through a worship set with the lyrics “every day is sweeter than the day before” ringing in the ears of a community with a young couple whose baby had passed away just the day before. Out of context verses and phrases churned out in the name of musical and emotional sentiment aren’t just a mild concern. There is real reason to be thoughtful about the messaging and powerful cultural conditioning made possible through music.
That said, I want to start a series of regular posts about worship songs… er, hmmm, at least songs that have come to have an important affect on me and my spiritual journey at least. These will be songs not traditionally found inside the evangelical church – or maybe *gasp* ANY church. Whether they have resonated with me on themes as I’ve deconstructed my faith, or presented the opportunity to think about things in a new way, or, well, I just like them for reasons beyond “sounds nice” – I would like to share with you some songs that have been played on repeat in my house for various reasons these past few years.
You may agree with my selections or not; taste is completely subjective. If I were honest, if we were all honest, we would find the songs that sing to our souls – that bring us to a worshipful place – do not always come wrapped up neatly in a Christian bow. And thank God/dess for that.
And so, Maestro, if you please…
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Let’s start off with a relatively new song. I will try my best to avoid intellectualizing each song and instead let the art speak for itself. Here is the Golden Globe and Grammy award-winning “What Was I Made For?” by Billie Eilish.
I’ve also chosen to also post a follow up song which is literally a possible answer to Eilish’s question. John Astin’s “Love Serve and Remember” (below) came to me a few weeks ago and helps me transition from the melancholia of existentialism to a sureness I feel in the centre of my identity.
I am thankful for both the intense and convicting nature of the Barbie-inspired, feminist anthem. While it gives voice to the female experience, I also feel the deep despondency of what it feels like for anyone enduring a period of questioning their purpose. In exploring the stages of faith model presented by Janet O. Hagberg, personal growth is particular intense when individuals encounter “the wall”; between the journey inward and the journey outward, an excruciating struggle takes place that is demonstrably wholistic. The bio-psycho-social and spiritual challenges of figuring your self out are, um, really hard. There’s a reason why Hagberg calls it the wall; some who make it to, never make it through.
Brian Mclaren’s Faith After Doubt also presents a stages of faith model which progress through Simplicity, Complexity, Perplexity, and Harmony. The author highlights how challenging Complexity is and how Perplexity is often where people turn back, seeking the comfort of the more rudimentary (yet, yes, complex) constructs in “Complexity” or even the blind and shallow following of benevolent leaders still offered in Simplicity.
How many more examples could we give that concisely show that, hey, life is hard. The big questions are hard. Answers are few and far between. I think that’s why I wanted to post these songs together. I have been to the wall in my faith. I have come out on the other side with something that I still call faith in the divine, the great mystery, the Source of my purpose. Songs of both question and answer helped me. Perhaps this song will bring you comfort as it did me. Enjoy!
The Prairie Thistle 